Year 18 and still no one arrested despite me continuing to try to keep Ryan's case open year after year after year while battling major health issues and injuries. Sometimes it feels so overwhelming.
We had Casey's pizza for lunch today in memory of Ryan since he worked there and made pizzas when Hannah was a baby. Sadly, I don't know where she is right now. We then went to the cemetery to visit him. Ryan not being here leaves a big hole in our hearts that no amount of time can ever heal.
Today is Ryan's 40th birthday. He should have been here with us to celebrate, but of course that choice was taken away from him. His brothers and I got together to share memories and I went to his grave to talk to him, but of course he couldn't answer. I hope he knows that he is always in our thoughts.
Dug into photos and found this one from when he became a teenager. I so miss those days and still cannot look at photos of him without crying.
We love you, Ryan. Happy Birthday in Heaven.
The worst day of our lives was 17 years ago today when Ryan was violently taken from us. The situation with likely suspects is complicated and I cannot discuss it publicly, but I suspect that we will never see justice for Ryan, nor will we ever get closure. I pray that I am wrong.
His daughter Hannah is now in college and we are so PROUD of her! Ryan loved her so much. I wish he could have been around to watch her grow up.
Ryan would have been 39 today if his life hadn't been stolen. Visited him yesterday at the cemetery and right on cue, "Baker's Street" came on the radio.
A couple of weeks ago the flowers I had on his headstone disappeared. I don't know why someone would do that. It was so pretty and was the first flower arrangement I was able to make since my major surgery and illnesses last year. 😪 There are other flowers there now.
Meanwhile, not a word from CPD about his case so I'm assuming they haven't looked at his case since I prompted them to last year. It's looking more and more like there will be no justice in what time I have left on earth.
All I have are memories.... This is from Halloween 1988 in Arizona. His cousin Jenny on the left is gone now too. 😠We miss them both terribly.
I feel frustrated, stressed and heartbroken. It's the 16th anniversary of Ryan's murder and his case continues to be pushed further and further back on the shelf as Carbondale police deal with increasing crime in the city. I don't know how much longer his father and I have on this earth but we were really hoping for his case to be resolved before we pass away.
Ryan's daughter Hannah graduated from high school in May with high honors and a college scholarship so she will be off to start a brand new chapter in her life soon! Ryan would be so proud of her! 💓💓💓
Ryan has been showing up more in my dreams lately. It's always so good to see him but sad when I wake up and the dream is over.
Some wonder why those of us who have lost kids continue to talk about them. Some even think we should just "get over it". Well, you don't "get over it". They were an integral part of our lives and our hearts are broken forever. We NEED to talk about it. We NEED to know that others care as we spend the rest of our life's journey trying to cope with it. We don't need constant sympathy, just someone who is there to understand and be supportive when needed, not someone who is dismissive of our pain.
You will always be a part of our lives, Ryan. We miss you.
