Well, here it is Thanksgiving Day and missing Ryan on yet another holiday.  It hurts down in my soul.  I was in the process of moving and was without internet on his birthday October 29, sadly.  He would have been 35 years old.  

His beautiful daughter Hannah started high school in August.  So hard to believe how grown up she is.  She and her mom and brother Wyatt have recently moved also.  

I have tried not to be angry all these years about Ryan's death, but I do want to say to his murderers and those of you who are protecting them, may God have mercy on your souls.  

It's hard to believe I'm sitting here 12 years after Ryan's death and still no one has been charged with his murder.  If those involved are reading this, I hope and pray that they do the right thing and give us closure.  If they don't think I know who they are, they are mistaken.

Ryan was always a challenge growing up, leaving me often physically and emotionally exhausted.  I have read some things he wrote that expressed his perception that I had "laughed" at him or betrayed him and it hurts me deeply to think that he felt that way.  It was never my intent.  I wasn't perfect and had other battles I was dealing with at the same time, but I fought long and hard for him, year after year, even when no one else would.  At the same time I did believe that he would mature and become the man and father that he wanted to be.  He was intelligent, talented, cared about others and didn't deserve what happened to him.

Ryan's daughter Hannah is an honor student and getting ready to go into high school. It's hard not to be proud of her! Being with her gives me much joy yet it hurts knowing that Ryan hasn't been here to see her grow up and become the wonderful person that she is.  

I'm also very proud of my other two talented sons Randy and Robert.  They've had difficult challenges over the past several years, but somehow have managed to keep going.  I don't know what I would do without them.