I thought last year was tough but as I sit here on the 15th anniversary of Ryan's murder I think of how close I came to joining him in April.  I have to wonder why I survived everything I went through.   Maybe I was meant to stay here awhile longer and keep fighting for him.  It was difficult all those weeks not being able to do anything but think and watch tv.  I couldn't even visit his grave.  I don't know what I would have done without my sons, my sister and good friends.  

The police tell me that no new information has come in.  I assume his case is figuratively sitting on a shelf gathering dust at this point.  Meanwhile, his attackers are still breathing and living their lives as if nothing happened.  Some of the suspects are even friends on Facebook with some of the people who "friended" me a few years ago.  And no, I'm not going to say their names but be assured that I know who they are and hope that they pay for their crimes.  

Ryan's daughter Hannah is now a working girl and is about to enter her senior year of high school.   Absolutely so proud of her.  💖 

Please keep our family in your thoughts and pray that Ryan gets justice.  

The following is a photo clip from a video filmed in the 90's when we went to the Daniel Boone home in Defiance, Missouri.  He and Robert are sitting in a little one room school house from the 1800's.   We miss you so much, Ryan.   I wish I could go back in time to those days.  

                                                          💔💔💔

  

I thought so much about Ryan on St. Patrick's Day. 💚He was intrigued with the Irish heritage in our background and wanted to visit Ireland someday.  Sadly, that wish was destroyed by those who took his life.  

I ran across the following page this morning, posted Jan. 21, 2021, which contains a lot of information from the articles published in the Southern Illinoisan in 2019 after months of investigating by Shawn Anglin, Marilyn Halstead and I in cooperation with the Carbondale Police Department.   It's still very painful for me to read these articles after almost 15 years.  

There have been no new developments since then, sadly.  😔

Young Father's Brutal Murder Still Unsolved  

 

 

Ryan would have been 37 years old today.  

Every birthday, every holiday, and every anniversary of his death is still so painful, even after 14 years.  

I hope and pray that those who took him from us will not find peace until they do the right thing.  

😢

Today is the 14th anniversary of Ryan's death.  I still cannot think about the hell he must have gone through that night without crying, nor can I think about his attackers without anger and disgust at the wasted, destructive lives they lead. 

The past few months have been full of constant news reports about COVID-19, wearing masks, accusations of police brutality, peaceful protests, violent protests, massive vandalism, fires, looting, and many murders committed in  the name of George Floyd and funded by people who want to destroy our country and our economy for political reasons.  

People are carrying signs saying Black Lives Matter....while blacks continue to kill each other and their children in Chicago and other places at a frightening rate.  If you dare to carry a sign saying anything else, such as Blue Lives Matter or All Lives Matter, you will be attacked and maybe even killed for it by some of these same people.   

Well I have news for all of you anarchists, criminals, thugs, Antifa, etc. 

                                   RYAN'S LIFE MATTERED  

Ryan was not racist.  He had black friends and would defend them against others. He helped people.  He cared about people. 

Before he died he was able to tell the police that it was two black males who attacked him.  They STILL have not been arrested for his murder, but if they think we aren't watching and keeping track of them, they are WRONG.  Until they do the right thing and confess, they'd better continue to watch over their shoulders because we aren't going away.  

I miss you Ryan.  😢

Remember Ryan

Thinking of my son Ryan today on what would have been his 36th birthday.  His daughter Hannah is now driving with her learning permit.  He would be so proud of the wonderful young lady she is becoming.  

His life was stolen from him 13 years ago by two criminals who obviously felt he was an easy target while walking down the street alone.  I have to wonder who else these thugs victimized and how they live with themselves after what they did to him.  I hope they have had many sleepless nights, but somehow I doubt it.

As far as I know, no useful information or evidence has been presented to the Carbondale police as a result of the huge article about Ryan's case in the Southern Illinoisan in July.  It's sad that those who did it won't confess and those who knew what happened are either silent....or dead.  

I was going through papers and mementos awhile back and came across these two pieces of artwork Ryan did when he was a child.  The picture of Spock is from 1987 when he was four years old and the marine man mosaic from 1995 when he was 11.  

We miss you, Ryan. I'm not sure our broken hearts will ever mend.  💔

13 years and still no justice for Ryan.

On the plus side, Shawn Anglin and Marilyn Halstead from the Southern Illinoisan have been helping to investigate and review Ryan's case in cooperation with the Carbondale Police Department for several months, resulting in a front page story for the 13th anniversary of his death.  

We've come across a few tidbits that may have been missed in the past and viewed previously known information with a different perspective.  We've managed to reach out to some people who were present that night or lived in the area at that time.  Shawn especially has been going over what evidence is available to us with a fine toothed comb, mostly due to his previous law enforcement experience.  It's been wonderful working closely with them on Ryan's case.  

https://thesouthern.com/news/local/crime-and-courts/ryan-livingston-was-murdered-on-a-busy-street-in-carbondale/article_7e5c223d-90e1-563e-8bed-857e68a833dc.html?fbclid=IwAR1DYrfiq6KGlC308so43tIpthH5XgFnvgoTtlDbMuZdetnqZLB9hlNgWsw#tracking-source=home-top-story

I am overwhelmed with the kindness of so many people over the years.  No parent should have to live the nightmare of losing a son or daughter, especially to murder.  Those who killed Ryan have sentenced us to a lifetime of pain and anguish for a crime we didn't commit.  Meanwhile they go on their merry way as if nothing happened.  Those who are protecting them are just as guilty as they are.   They should man up to what they did instead of hiding like cowards.  

Ryan, you are forever in our thoughts.  We will love and miss you always.  

Well, here it is Thanksgiving Day and missing Ryan on yet another holiday.  It hurts down in my soul.  I was in the process of moving and was without internet on his birthday October 29, sadly.  He would have been 35 years old.  

His beautiful daughter Hannah started high school in August.  So hard to believe how grown up she is.  She and her mom and brother Wyatt have recently moved also.  

I have tried not to be angry all these years about Ryan's death, but I do want to say to his murderers and those of you who are protecting them, may God have mercy on your souls.  

It's hard to believe I'm sitting here 12 years after Ryan's death and still no one has been charged with his murder.  If those involved are reading this, I hope and pray that they do the right thing and give us closure.  If they don't think I know who they are, they are mistaken.

Ryan was always a challenge growing up, leaving me often physically and emotionally exhausted.  I have read some things he wrote that expressed his perception that I had "laughed" at him or betrayed him and it hurts me deeply to think that he felt that way.  It was never my intent.  I wasn't perfect and had other battles I was dealing with at the same time, but I fought long and hard for him, year after year, even when no one else would.  At the same time I did believe that he would mature and become the man and father that he wanted to be.  He was intelligent, talented, cared about others and didn't deserve what happened to him.

Ryan's daughter Hannah is an honor student and getting ready to go into high school. It's hard not to be proud of her! Being with her gives me much joy yet it hurts knowing that Ryan hasn't been here to see her grow up and become the wonderful person that she is.  

I'm also very proud of my other two talented sons Randy and Robert.  They've had difficult challenges over the past several years, but somehow have managed to keep going.  I don't know what I would do without them.