16 Years and Still No Resolution

I feel frustrated, stressed and heartbroken. It's the 16th anniversary of Ryan's murder and his case continues to be pushed further and further back on the shelf as Carbondale police deal with increasing crime in the city.  I don't know how much longer his father and I have on this earth but we were really hoping for his case to be resolved before we pass away.  

Ryan's daughter Hannah graduated from high school in May with high honors and a college scholarship so she will be off to start a brand new chapter in her life soon!  Ryan would be so proud of her!  💓💓💓

Ryan has been showing up more in my dreams lately.  It's always so good to see him but sad when I wake up and the dream is over. 

Some wonder why those of us who have lost kids continue to talk about them.  Some even think we should just "get over it".  Well, you don't "get over it".  They were an integral part of our lives and our hearts are broken forever.  We NEED to talk about it.  We NEED to know that others care as we spend the rest of our life's journey trying to cope with it.  We don't need constant sympathy, just someone who is there to understand and be supportive when needed, not someone who is dismissive of our pain.

You will always be a part of our lives, Ryan.  We miss you.   

 Just ran across this article from last January.  It's based on the news story from the Southern Illinoisan we did a couple of years before. The conclusions reached are not likely since the author does not have access to all of the information in the case but thought it was worth mentioning because of the interest shown and concern, for which we are very grateful. 

Young Father’s Brutal Murder Still Unsolved Nearly 15 Years Later - True Crime Diva

Ryan's 38th birthday and 15th year not here to celebrate it.  

I keep hoping the pain of losing him will go away but obviously that's never going to happen.  Of course not a word about the investigation into his murder, which probably has been thrown into the cold case files at this point.  

All I can do is cry.  😭

I was recently sent this photo of Ryan and his cousin McKinnon by his aunt, probably taken in 1991, which I had never seen before.  It still tears me apart to look at photos of him after all these years.  

Happy Birthday in Heaven, Son.  💔  I love you and miss you.  

I thought last year was tough but as I sit here on the 15th anniversary of Ryan's murder I think of how close I came to joining him in April.  I have to wonder why I survived everything I went through.   Maybe I was meant to stay here awhile longer and keep fighting for him.  It was difficult all those weeks not being able to do anything but think and watch tv.  I couldn't even visit his grave.  I don't know what I would have done without my sons, my sister and good friends.  

The police tell me that no new information has come in.  I assume his case is figuratively sitting on a shelf gathering dust at this point.  Meanwhile, his attackers are still breathing and living their lives as if nothing happened.  Some of the suspects are even friends on Facebook with some of the people who "friended" me a few years ago.  And no, I'm not going to say their names but be assured that I know who they are and hope that they pay for their crimes.  

Ryan's daughter Hannah is now a working girl and is about to enter her senior year of high school.   Absolutely so proud of her.  💖 

Please keep our family in your thoughts and pray that Ryan gets justice.  

The following is a photo clip from a video filmed in the 90's when we went to the Daniel Boone home in Defiance, Missouri.  He and Robert are sitting in a little one room school house from the 1800's.   We miss you so much, Ryan.   I wish I could go back in time to those days.  

                                                          💔💔💔

  

I thought so much about Ryan on St. Patrick's Day. 💚He was intrigued with the Irish heritage in our background and wanted to visit Ireland someday.  Sadly, that wish was destroyed by those who took his life.  

I ran across the following page this morning, posted Jan. 21, 2021, which contains a lot of information from the articles published in the Southern Illinoisan in 2019 after months of investigating by Shawn Anglin, Marilyn Halstead and I in cooperation with the Carbondale Police Department.   It's still very painful for me to read these articles after almost 15 years.  

There have been no new developments since then, sadly.  😔

Young Father's Brutal Murder Still Unsolved  

 

 

Ryan would have been 37 years old today.  

Every birthday, every holiday, and every anniversary of his death is still so painful, even after 14 years.  

I hope and pray that those who took him from us will not find peace until they do the right thing.  

😢

Today is the 14th anniversary of Ryan's death.  I still cannot think about the hell he must have gone through that night without crying, nor can I think about his attackers without anger and disgust at the wasted, destructive lives they lead. 

The past few months have been full of constant news reports about COVID-19, wearing masks, accusations of police brutality, peaceful protests, violent protests, massive vandalism, fires, looting, and many murders committed in  the name of George Floyd and funded by people who want to destroy our country and our economy for political reasons.  

People are carrying signs saying Black Lives Matter....while blacks continue to kill each other and their children in Chicago and other places at a frightening rate.  If you dare to carry a sign saying anything else, such as Blue Lives Matter or All Lives Matter, you will be attacked and maybe even killed for it by some of these same people.   

Well I have news for all of you anarchists, criminals, thugs, Antifa, etc. 

                                   RYAN'S LIFE MATTERED  

Ryan was not racist.  He had black friends and would defend them against others. He helped people.  He cared about people. 

Before he died he was able to tell the police that it was two black males who attacked him.  They STILL have not been arrested for his murder, but if they think we aren't watching and keeping track of them, they are WRONG.  Until they do the right thing and confess, they'd better continue to watch over their shoulders because we aren't going away.  

I miss you Ryan.  😢

Remember Ryan

Thinking of my son Ryan today on what would have been his 36th birthday.  His daughter Hannah is now driving with her learning permit.  He would be so proud of the wonderful young lady she is becoming.  

His life was stolen from him 13 years ago by two criminals who obviously felt he was an easy target while walking down the street alone.  I have to wonder who else these thugs victimized and how they live with themselves after what they did to him.  I hope they have had many sleepless nights, but somehow I doubt it.

As far as I know, no useful information or evidence has been presented to the Carbondale police as a result of the huge article about Ryan's case in the Southern Illinoisan in July.  It's sad that those who did it won't confess and those who knew what happened are either silent....or dead.  

I was going through papers and mementos awhile back and came across these two pieces of artwork Ryan did when he was a child.  The picture of Spock is from 1987 when he was four years old and the marine man mosaic from 1995 when he was 11.  

We miss you, Ryan. I'm not sure our broken hearts will ever mend.  💔