July 14, 2012

It's the 6th anniversary of Ryan's death and his daughter Hannah is 8 years old now. Although it is unlikely that she really remembers him, she feels like she does. There are certainly aspects to her personality that remind us of him, especially her artistic creativity.  We love her dearly and are so grateful that Ryan left a part of himself with us. It saddens us all that she will never get to see him again or make memories with him.

It feels like we are no closer to his case being solved than we were a year ago. There are leads now and then on his case, but not what is needed in the way of evidence to arrest and convict someone for his murder. Prosecuting his murderers won't bring him back, but it will bring some justice for Ryan and hopefully prevent another family from experiencing the kind of pain that we have been dealing with for 6 years.


If you are reading this blog and know something that might help, PLEASE contact the Carbondale police, or even me and I will be glad to pass the information on to them. There is an $11,000 reward for information leading to the arrest and conviction of whoever murdered him.

SOMEONE knows who killed Hannah's daddy.  Please help us if you know ANYTHING, even if you think it's already been reported to the police.  

I miss Ryan so much that my heart aches.  I will never understand why his life was taken.  

It was five years ago tonight that Ryan was viciously attacked right on the main street of Carbondale.  A short time later, after midnight on July 14th, his damaged heart couldn't function anymore and we lost him.  His death changed our lives forever and some days the pain of losing him is still unbearable.

As of this date, no one has been arrested or convicted for his assault and murder. We wait and hope and pray that someday soon someone will do the right thing and come forward with the truth so that we can have at least a small amount of closure.

Ryan, we love you and miss you.

It Hurts

I gave you life,

I gave you love,

I gave my time,

Did all I could

To keep you safe

Happy and secure.

I gave all I had to give.

But now you aren't here

You can't call

You can't visit

You can't hug.

It hurts.

The Worst Night of Our Lives

Late in the evening on July 13, 2006, as Ryan was walking to his brother's house, he was brutally attacked and stabbed in the heart by two cowardly thugs in an apparent robbery attempt.  They fled, leaving him to die.  When I think of him laying on the sidewalk, bleeding to death, it just tears me apart.  It was so cold and senseless. 


His brother Randy called 911 and searched for him.  A short time later, Ryan was noticed by a group of young people across the street and they called the police.  He was transported to Memorial Hospital of Carbondale, only about 3 blocks away.  


When we arrived at the hospital that night, we were told that Ryan was being given transfusions because he had lost so much blood and that we could see him once he was stabilized.  A short time later we learned that the situation was far more serious than they had anticipated and that he would require emergency surgery. 


The rest of the night is somewhat of a blur to me due to the stress and trauma of the situation, but I do think they told us that he had stopped breathing at least once and that he may have been without oxygen too long.  It was at that point that I remember praying to God to either make him whole or take him.  Cardiac surgeons attempted to repair his heart, but despite their efforts, Ryan was quickly gone from us.  


We never got to see him or say goodbye before he died.  We never got to say "I love you." that one last time.   His little girl will never be able to hug him again or sit in his lap.


After Ryan's death, his friends made a memorial in chalk on the concrete wall next to the sidewalk where he was found that night.  They held candlelight vigils and shed many tears. The words were eventually removed from the wall by the city, but I took a number of pictures, some of which are below.  Like our family, his friends want his killers to be brought to justice.   


I know our pain is no worse than that of any family that has lost a child, but it still hurts down to the core of our souls.  We need some sense of closure and that can never happen as long as his attackers are still free to rob and kill other innocent victims.  


Sooner or later, those who took Ryan's life and destroyed the lives of his family and friends will experience the kind of pain we deal with.  The same goes for those who are protecting them.  If they think otherwise, they are only fooling themselves.