It's now about 5 a.m.  On July 14, 2006, exactly 20 years ago, right about this time of the morning, we were returning from the hospital.  Without Ryan.  My memories of that night are rather foggy at this point, but we had spent several hours at the hospital after receiving a call from Randy that Ryan had been stabbed.  When we first got to the hospital, they were trying to get him stabilized so that we could go in and see him. That didn't happen.  His situation became critical quickly and they had to do emergency surgery to repair his heart that was damaged from the stabbing. From what I remember, he died at least once, they revived him, and then he died again.  The heart surgeons tried their best to save him, but apparently the damage was too severe.  

We (his dad, brother Robert, and I) drove home in unbearable emotional pain, past the location on Walnut Street where he had been stabbed. Randy went back to the house where he lived in Carbondale, where Ryan was supposed to meet him. I don't know what time, but police questioned him that morning while he was grieving, stressed and suffering from lack of sleep. It was NOT a good day for him or any of us. 

After the funeral a few days later, we visited the site where Ryan was attacked.  We noticed the lack of light on the street and in the alley.  We found a knife partially buried in the dirt right next to one of the houses and immediately called the head detective who came out and retrieved it along with the surrounding soil. He later told us that it was not the knife used in the stabbing. Still, how is it that WE found it and the detectives that searched the scene that night did not? 

Don't get me wrong.  There have been detectives that really spent a lot of time and energy investigating Ryan's murder in the beginning. All of them have treated me respectfully over the years while I continued to investigate on my own.  I provided a number of tips, leads and information I had gathered, some they knew about, some they didn't. Even still, the case probably has not been actively worked on for several years except for follow ups when some information was presented to them, sometimes by me.  

I'm almost 77 years old now, have had many injuries and major surgeries since Ryan's death, have little energy, and I don't seem to have much family left. Yet I continue to fight for Ryan and will not stop until I can no longer do it.  

We miss you, Ryan.  😭