Another year has gone by and Ryan has received no justice for what was done to him.
On July 1, Robert, Hannah and I were in an auto accident with my 2002 Montana. Thankfully we are mostly okay, but the van is totaled. It is sad for me because I drove Ryan, Sarah, and my newborn granddaughter Hannah home from the hospital in that van in 2004. I miss the days when Ryan rode with me and the conversations and trivia games we played while traveling in it. Over the past 9 years while driving alone, I sometimes felt like he was still sitting there beside me. Losing the van, in some ways, feels like I've lost yet another connection to him.
Life shouldn't be like this. Ryan wasn't perfect, but he didn't deserve to die brutally at the hands of criminals. With his life ebbing away, he worried that the friend he borrowed the shirt he was wearing from would be upset that it was now soaked in his blood. That's the way he often was, concerned about others.
As far as I know, nothing new has come in on his death and I don't know that Carbondale police have actively worked on his case in the past year, but they assure me his case hasn't been forgotten. SOMEONE must have the evidence we need to get his case resolved. I wish they would step forward.
Remember Ryan
Monday, July 13, 2015
Monday, July 14, 2014
It's difficult to believe that 8 years have passed and so little has changed as far as Ryan's murder case is concerned. So many of us have hoped and prayed that the evidence needed to resolve the case would magically appear, but so far we have been woefully disappointed.
I continue to search for answers and information on my own, hoping that I will find some little clue or bit of information that will break the case. I'm not giving up. I love and will always fight for my sons, especially the one I have lost.
The love and support so many have given over the past 8 years is one of the things that has kept me going. Spending time with Ryan's daughter Hannah and her little brother Wyatt lifts my spirits as well. Hannah is sweet, considerate, and creative and I am very proud of her. My sons Randy and Robert are my rocks, even though I know that both of them face many challenges of their own.
Some handle pain and grief by holding it in, and I will admit that when I was young I mostly dealt with it that way. Now I find that talking about it and even speaking out about it helps me to cope with the pain and depression. I try not to burden others with it very often, but every now and then the pain surfaces and the tears flow....
Please keep us in your prayers.
I continue to search for answers and information on my own, hoping that I will find some little clue or bit of information that will break the case. I'm not giving up. I love and will always fight for my sons, especially the one I have lost.
The love and support so many have given over the past 8 years is one of the things that has kept me going. Spending time with Ryan's daughter Hannah and her little brother Wyatt lifts my spirits as well. Hannah is sweet, considerate, and creative and I am very proud of her. My sons Randy and Robert are my rocks, even though I know that both of them face many challenges of their own.
Some handle pain and grief by holding it in, and I will admit that when I was young I mostly dealt with it that way. Now I find that talking about it and even speaking out about it helps me to cope with the pain and depression. I try not to burden others with it very often, but every now and then the pain surfaces and the tears flow....
Please keep us in your prayers.
Sunday, July 14, 2013
July 14, 2013
Another year has gone by. The pain lessens slightly with time, but always remains. Driving past the spot where he was stabbed in Carbondale is unavoidable and always difficult. Seeing the places he worked and places I drove him to many times conjures memories that cannot be erased.
When I'm driving alone, I look at the empty passenger seat in my van where he sat on our many short trips. It brings tears to my eyes thinking about all the times we engaged in long conversations and trivia games while on the road. Remembering statements he made while riding in that seat still tugs at my heart strings.
"Mom, I hope I look as good as you and Dad do when I get to be your age."
"I want to take care of you when you get old."
"What are your favorite flowers, Mom? I want to get you some when I get the money."
Ryan's daughter Hannah is growing into a sweet young lady. She has the wisdom and thinking processes that sometimes make me forget she is only 9 years old. She is also still very creative, something that of course reminds me of her father. She has a 2 year old little brother now, Wyatt, that she loves dearly and tries to help watch as he is very active and a typical explorative toddler.
This week we made a Facebook page for Ryan to share information about his life and his death. If you are on Facebook and would like to visit the page, here is the link.
https://www.facebook.com/rememberryan83
The police are still lacking the forensic evidence they need to prosecute Ryan's attackers. I keep hoping that evidence will magically appear, but my hopes continue to fade with time. If you know anything that will help with Ryan's case, we are begging you to come forward.
Another year has gone by. The pain lessens slightly with time, but always remains. Driving past the spot where he was stabbed in Carbondale is unavoidable and always difficult. Seeing the places he worked and places I drove him to many times conjures memories that cannot be erased.
When I'm driving alone, I look at the empty passenger seat in my van where he sat on our many short trips. It brings tears to my eyes thinking about all the times we engaged in long conversations and trivia games while on the road. Remembering statements he made while riding in that seat still tugs at my heart strings.
"Mom, I hope I look as good as you and Dad do when I get to be your age."
"I want to take care of you when you get old."
"What are your favorite flowers, Mom? I want to get you some when I get the money."
Ryan's daughter Hannah is growing into a sweet young lady. She has the wisdom and thinking processes that sometimes make me forget she is only 9 years old. She is also still very creative, something that of course reminds me of her father. She has a 2 year old little brother now, Wyatt, that she loves dearly and tries to help watch as he is very active and a typical explorative toddler.
This week we made a Facebook page for Ryan to share information about his life and his death. If you are on Facebook and would like to visit the page, here is the link.
https://www.facebook.com/rememberryan83
The police are still lacking the forensic evidence they need to prosecute Ryan's attackers. I keep hoping that evidence will magically appear, but my hopes continue to fade with time. If you know anything that will help with Ryan's case, we are begging you to come forward.
Saturday, July 14, 2012
July 14, 2012
It's the 6th anniversary of Ryan's death and his daughter Hannah is 8 years old now. Although it is unlikely that she really remembers him, she feels like she does. There are certainly aspects to her personality that remind us of him, especially her artistic creativity. We love her dearly and are so grateful that Ryan left a part of himself with us. It saddens us all that she will never get to see him again or make memories with him.
It feels like we are no closer to his case being solved than we were a year ago. There are leads now and then on his case, but not what is needed in the way of evidence to arrest and convict someone for his murder. Prosecuting his murderers won't bring him back, but it will bring some justice for Ryan and hopefully prevent another family from experiencing the kind of pain that we have been dealing with for 6 years.
If you are reading this blog and know something that might help, PLEASE contact the Carbondale police, or even me and I will be glad to pass the information on to them. There is an $11,000 reward for information leading to the arrest and conviction of whoever murdered him.
SOMEONE knows who killed Hannah's daddy. Please help us if you know ANYTHING, even if you think it's already been reported to the police.
I miss Ryan so much that my heart aches. I will never understand why his life was taken.
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
It was five years ago tonight that Ryan was viciously attacked right on the main street of Carbondale. A short time later, after midnight on July 14th, his damaged heart couldn't function anymore and we lost him. His death changed our lives forever and some days the pain of losing him is still unbearable.
As of this date, no one has been arrested or convicted for his assault and murder. We wait and hope and pray that someday soon someone will do the right thing and come forward with the truth so that we can have at least a small amount of closure.
Ryan, we love you and miss you.
As of this date, no one has been arrested or convicted for his assault and murder. We wait and hope and pray that someday soon someone will do the right thing and come forward with the truth so that we can have at least a small amount of closure.
Ryan, we love you and miss you.
Thursday, May 12, 2011
It Hurts
I gave you life,
I gave you love,
I gave my time,
Did all I could
To keep you safe
Happy and secure.
I gave all I had to give.
But now you aren't here
You can't call
You can't visit
You can't hug.
It hurts.
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
The Worst Night of Our Lives
Late in the evening on July 13, 2006, as Ryan was walking to his brother's house, he was brutally attacked and stabbed in the heart by two cowardly thugs in an apparent robbery attempt. They fled, leaving him to die. When I think of him laying on the sidewalk, bleeding to death, it just tears me apart. It was so cold and senseless.
His brother Randy called 911 and searched for him. A short time later, Ryan was noticed by a group of young people across the street and they called the police. He was transported to Memorial Hospital of Carbondale, only about 3 blocks away.
When we arrived at the hospital that night, we were told that Ryan was being given transfusions because he had lost so much blood and that we could see him once he was stabilized. A short time later we learned that the situation was far more serious than they had anticipated and that he would require emergency surgery.
The rest of the night is somewhat of a blur to me due to the stress and trauma of the situation, but I do think they told us that he had stopped breathing at least once and that he may have been without oxygen too long. It was at that point that I remember praying to God to either make him whole or take him. Cardiac surgeons attempted to repair his heart, but despite their efforts, Ryan was quickly gone from us.
We never got to see him or say goodbye before he died. We never got to say "I love you." that one last time. His little girl will never be able to hug him again or sit in his lap.
After Ryan's death, his friends made a memorial in chalk on the concrete wall next to the sidewalk where he was found that night. They held candlelight vigils and shed many tears. The words were eventually removed from the wall by the city, but I took a number of pictures, some of which are below. Like our family, his friends want his killers to be brought to justice.
I know our pain is no worse than that of any family that has lost a child, but it still hurts down to the core of our souls. We need some sense of closure and that can never happen as long as his attackers are still free to rob and kill other innocent victims.
Sooner or later, those who took Ryan's life and destroyed the lives of his family and friends will experience the kind of pain we deal with. The same goes for those who are protecting them. If they think otherwise, they are only fooling themselves.
His brother Randy called 911 and searched for him. A short time later, Ryan was noticed by a group of young people across the street and they called the police. He was transported to Memorial Hospital of Carbondale, only about 3 blocks away.
When we arrived at the hospital that night, we were told that Ryan was being given transfusions because he had lost so much blood and that we could see him once he was stabilized. A short time later we learned that the situation was far more serious than they had anticipated and that he would require emergency surgery.
The rest of the night is somewhat of a blur to me due to the stress and trauma of the situation, but I do think they told us that he had stopped breathing at least once and that he may have been without oxygen too long. It was at that point that I remember praying to God to either make him whole or take him. Cardiac surgeons attempted to repair his heart, but despite their efforts, Ryan was quickly gone from us.
We never got to see him or say goodbye before he died. We never got to say "I love you." that one last time. His little girl will never be able to hug him again or sit in his lap.
After Ryan's death, his friends made a memorial in chalk on the concrete wall next to the sidewalk where he was found that night. They held candlelight vigils and shed many tears. The words were eventually removed from the wall by the city, but I took a number of pictures, some of which are below. Like our family, his friends want his killers to be brought to justice.
I know our pain is no worse than that of any family that has lost a child, but it still hurts down to the core of our souls. We need some sense of closure and that can never happen as long as his attackers are still free to rob and kill other innocent victims.
Sooner or later, those who took Ryan's life and destroyed the lives of his family and friends will experience the kind of pain we deal with. The same goes for those who are protecting them. If they think otherwise, they are only fooling themselves.
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